


I've Lost Her

by multifanwho



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, One Shot, Short One Shot, val the big disaster gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-25 23:49:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17734994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifanwho/pseuds/multifanwho
Summary: Valerie's internal thoughts having to watch Lucille fall for Cyril





	I've Lost Her

It hurt Valerie to see it. She knew the day would come and she had tried to prepare herself for it but it didn’t work. Lucille was going on a date. With someone who wasn’t her. A man she’d just met in fact. Cyril seemed kind enough when she opened the door to him. Polite and well mannered. Sister Monica Joan dished the dirt on him over lunch but there wasn’t any dirt at all, the man was squeaky clean. Valerie thought she was hardened to everything, what with being a medic on the frontline, but here she was distraught over a man, no, a man taking out Lucille. Lucille.

She put on the brave face of course. She even helped her get ready for her dance with him. When Lucille asked the group of girls how she looked, Valerie almost let it slip. She covered her back but there was a pause in the middle of her compliment. Luckily her cover always worked. Just good old quirky nurse Dyer. Constantly cheery nurse bloody Dyer. Sometimes she wishes she could just be Val. The Val that likes girls as well as a couple of boys now and then. Sometimes she is just Val and it’s when she’s alone with Lucille. She brings out the best in her despite still having to keep a bit part of herself secret.

She waits alongside Sister Monica Joan behind the front door of Nonnatus house. Lucille was waiting outside checking her watch. He was late. How dare he be late. She wouldn’t be late for her, not ever. Time with her was worth every second. Lucille was turning back to the door and Valerie was getting prepared to console her, to bash men within an inch of their lives until she swears them off completely. But Lucille turns back around at the last second as Cyril comes trundling up the road. Her heart sinks a little, but she catches it before falling too far. Cyril hasn’t done anything wrong yet. She needs to give him a chance to make Lucille happy. Give him a chance to do what she wishes she could openly.

“Oh come, come nurse Dyer, we must see them off!” Sister Monica Joan grabs her by the arm and pulls her outside. They were quickly shunted back in but that didn’t stop them from clearly spying through a crack in the door.

Lucille turns back and smiles at her peering out. That beautiful smile. And then she remembers that smile is not because of her, it’s for him. She’s happy to be going out of an evening with him while she is left alone in a convent surrounded by nuns.

“I’ve lost her.” Valerie tells herself.

“Yes, even though my sight is not as good as it used to be, I too have lost sight of our fellow companion and housemate.”

For once she’s glad Sister Monica Joan doesn’t have all her marbles left. A terrible thing to say but she did not want to be found out like that, and not by Sister Monica Joan. Who knows who she would tell? For now, all she can do is sit and wait and work if needs be until she comes back. She’ll be able to listen to all of her stories about the night no matter how reserved she makes them, Val will be pleased to hear them. To hear her voice so full of love and joy. Too bad it will be tainted with details of Cyril. Sister Monica Joan disappears, probably on the hunt for cake. Valerie checks she is alone before she gently hits her head against the door as she closes it. She knows she can’t have these feelings. All they do is hurt her. She saw how they hurt Delia Busby while Patsy was away. Valerie sort of felt lucky that she didn’t have feelings for anyone when she was witnessing that ordeal play out, but then Lucille walked through the door and she became stuck.

Lucille. It’ll be hard to get through the night not thinking of Lucille.

**Author's Note:**

> watch me finally write the ctm fics I promised myself I would do


End file.
